RESTART MODE

Guess what?
After a year of working in Jakarta, I finally have something that driven me to relearn about IELTS and new start for me to pursue one dream of mine: Having a master degree.

I got myself a study club. Me, Panda and My Twin. Only we three, the idea is to meet twice a week to learn about the IELTS thing. Me love it and really want to learn it. We made a commitment to speak english at the meetings and chat in english on whatsapp, actually we just met couple of hours ago, we have only one effective month before Ied break.

So let's see what we could do in a month.

It's funny how I only write here when I really on fire, then I went away and back to the hiatus mode for months or years. But I think it's so me huh. :P

Anyway,

Wish me luck this time <3
Asri

Thank You MAS!

What's bothering me ?

This whole week I think I've been so mad about everything. I can't think clearly and my mind seem so bad. I turned down all of my social media account. I turn down Facebook, Instagram, Telegram and not answering any questions on WhatsApp unless they were really important. 

Some people really understand my moodswing and tried to approach me even I only reply their messages with a few words.

One of them is Mas Har. Me and Mas Har have been in relationship for almost three month, not a long time but we've been bestfriend for a year. So I think he know my personalities better than other.

He keep texting me, asking if there is a problem I want to share, but I said nothing really matters I'm just sick of being myself right now. He try and try and never quit and give up with my mood until today. When I feel everything is much more bright and colorful. 

I can't thank him enough on being there when I acted like an idiot. I don't think I could be that patient when I was him. I can't even handle myself. 

Thank you Mas ! for listening and understanding.

Saturday, December 30

It's 1 PM here and already I'm so bored and doesn't know what to do. 

Actually today I'm designing an IELTS study plan, but it's stop right after I feel annoyed. 

I was watching a youtube video when my brother makes my mother angry and boom the war is start down floor, before that, I'm about asking for some motivation from someone I really care about but his voice is so bored, it's like he doesn't want my call. So I stop it all. I start writing in blog, so at least in this situation I can still learn writing. 

Maybe people is not wrong, maybe something in me that's wrong. I don't know. 

Let me share something with you guys.

Yesterday I read an instagram story from someone I admire, she wrote about Affirmation. She quotes her lecture that there are 3 types of feedback. 

  - Evaluation

  - Coaching

  - Affirmation

Sometimes we don't like the feedback we got because we intend to get X but we got the Y, for exsample, we want an Affirmation but people give us evaluation.Her lecture said that the world would be a better place if we're more blunt about which feedback we're after. 

If we're seeking for Affirmation,maybe we should say so. (She does that a lot to her husband).

She have gathered a lot of affirmation messages throughout 2017, from her vlog, from the school she goes, the things that she wrote, the poems that she read and so on. She feel grateful for each and every one of them. But she hopes in 2018 she could grow into a fully content human being that doesn't need an external validation to feel good about doing what she does. That said she'd also like to be a person who is generous about giving affirmation to others. She think this world would be a better place if we strive t always be kind to one another. 

I think about it a lot. (even screencapturing the stories).

My test has shown that I am a very extrapersonal people, which is mean an external motivation is strongly drive me. I happen to happy when someone give me compliment, give me positive feedback, don't get me wrong I also love the Evaluative feedback and coaching from someone better. 

But maybe, I should try to this year, try to give more affirmation to others. There's nothing wrong with being good to others, nothing wrong with being kind. Maybe I should just try.

And I don't kow about this, but I think I'm not that extrovert anymore, maybe I should retook the test, I am no longer enjoying company from people, well not all people, I still enjoy company from some friends, but it is not like the past. 

I don't know what's wrong with me. 

Okay, I think I'm going back to do the study plan. 

Bye !

Asri.

Q&A

I have been in hiatus from writing in English for almost 2 years (I guess ?)

Why do I come back ?

I need to upgrade my English ! I think a year in remote area make me lazy to learn, I learn some new skills but also some left behind.

What for ?

I still have a dream to get a master degree and I want to get the scholarship this year, which make a fluent in English is a must! not only fluent in reading but also fluent in writing.

Why should you get a master degree and in what field do you interest ?

I learn a lot about myself this year, if there is something I should improve is Analytical Thinking.

Some friends recommend me to learn more about this at college.

I don't think I want to continue studying about Early Childhood Education, not because I'm not interested but I have interested more to learn about Management and Leadership in Education.

I don't think I want to gain a career as a lecture so I don't think it's a big thing if I didn't take a linear program.

Why now?

It's the time. I'm 24 years old right now and one year finding the fund plus one or two year enjoying and struggling with my master degree means I'll be spend 3-4 years from now to get my master degree, depends on my tenacity and my opportunity. 

What about you life ? (a.k.a KAPAN KAWIN?)

I should prepare for this question if I really want to get my master degree. 

I told my boyfriend about my priority, I don't want to get married until I'm done with myself, I don't want to get married until I think I have enough with my self. Right now, I don't push myself too much on my master degree, but whenever he's ready to marry me, we'll talk about it, if I think I can handle married life with master degree, why not ? but if I think I'm not done with myself, I just need to told him and discuss about it.

Where is your dream college ?

United Kingdom. But I haven't made a research on what university I should do my study. London always been on my top of the city I should visit list, but even if it isn't London it's okay, when in UK, I think London is not too far. 

How to achieve it ?

This is the hardest part, to write down my plan is easy but to do this and not giving up until I get it, it won't be easy, I should enjoy every moment (and maybe having my closest circle support me every time). 

I need to improve my English, from then I would know my capability, what country should I apply, what program, IELTS or TOEFL. I need to write everyday, reading English article as much as I can, speaking English with a good partner (this is my homework) and maybe join a study group and I should do this autodidact, with less money (zero will be impossible because I still need money to use the internet). 

I need to read all information about scholarship, LPDP, Chevening, Fulbright and every other overseas scholarship. 

I need to ask IDP where will they make an exhibition and make sure I could come to the event. 

I need to learn from the expert ! ask and learn from my friend whom already get the scholarship :)

----

I think that's all the Q&A for today. I'll write about something else tonight or tomorrow. 

Rain

It suppose to be a good weather here in June, we're expecting sunshine and a nice day to strolling around the town, waiting for break fasting with the loved one. Sapardi Djoko Damono, my favorite Indonesian poet made a famous poem titled Hujan di Bulan Juni - Rain in June. It's an anomaly, we never have rain in June, so waiting for a rain in Juni is a metaphor, it means you hope for nothing. Things that impossible.

But things change, climate change, and for some reasons I am sad that I couldn't used the poem anymore, or maybe I couldn't use all the poems related to rain and periodic time using month's named in it. We could never predicted the weather again. Rain has easy come easy go, sometimes it's gone for months, leaving us confused because there is no water left for our daily routine, and some other time it's hanging everyday make our day ruined, made our mother all complained about the clothes that hardly dry.

But the thing is I always love rain.
I love the sound of rain, I love the scent of rain and the smell of fresh land. I never afraid of getting wet because of rain, sometimes I just walked even if there was a laptop or any other electronic device on my bag. I always loved rain.

Yesterday, I read a lovely book written by Tere Liye, Hujan - Rain. The main character or the book, Lail, think that all the important things in her world happen together with the rain. When a great earthquake happen, when her mother and father passed away, when she met ther savior, Esok, when she saved a lot of people from a big disaster, she ran away under the rain. If you love the rain as much as I do, you should try to read this book. I don't want to write a spoiler, you'll lose the pleasure of reading. But I really recommend you all to read this book.

Hello !

Its been months since the last tiem I drop my post.
So, things happen so fast, i'm now teaching at primary school. I teach second grader and I couldn't tell which one is best between teaching in kinder and elementary. Both have its bad and mostly good things.
I decided to learn english [again], and more intense this time, I have plan to apply for scholarship next year, after finishing 1 year of teaching at primary, so I have 2 years teaching experience and hopefully could apply fot master of teaching in a good University. Amin.
I join Sekolah Toefl, a toefl learning community made by kak Budi Waluyo. I wish I could make it better so I could take a test next year.

Ah, maybe I'll drop some pictures from my drawing journal. It's in english and it's totally horrible because I always write it in the middle of the night when I'm so sleepy. Haha.

Another day in paradise

Hello good People, I'm back.
Not sure what I'm gonna write because nothing special happen today. Just another day in Cimahi :)
Ah, have you watch Tom Cruise movie's Oblivion, when there's only He living with his wife in the world, they use the sentence 'another day in paradise' to greet each other, since I watched the movie, I really want to use that greeting too someday.

Maybe after I have a husband someday, because it's too weird to be used now. That sentence just so sweet to me, Paradise here does not mean the place but the situation and happiness you have with your love one.

I just don't know when will that happen :)

good night fellas.
xx